A pathetic journey of my life

Happy Birthday

Since i'm gonna be out for inspection next week (18th August 2008 onwards...), guess i juz jot down the list birth dates of my friends... the only birthday I'm gonna celebrate is mine and a close friend of me... Others, help me to forget it...

10 - Junaidi, my former classmate in Bentong
11 - Nizam, my former classmate and always fight with me for no. 1 position
12 - Rena, last known position was in New Zealand... Nadz's father in LD
13 - Zulkaha's son... Zairyl Zeffrey; Zul was transferred from my department few years back, my cousin Ariff
14 - kak Halina Nayan, my 6th formers senior
15 - Alvin, my close buddy during CapCorp, now in AmInvestment
16 - G-Ming, one of the boss in my office
18 - Din at Menara TM, Raf next2 to me in the office, Ha in Alor Setar.
19 - Aidahwati Sidek - last known address was in Melaka...
21 - Dash (anis' hubby), Ayu Saedan in PJ
24 - my cousin Faris & a friend of mine in Kota Bharu - Cikgu Masniza
29 - my arch enemy, previously my boss, closes friend - Azian in Damansara Utama/KLCC

Happy Birthday dearest friends... virgo + libra

Samehani

If u need to say you're sorry in Swahili... say that word.

7 Ogos 2008
Pagi ini aku terlajak tidur, sedar-sedar jer tengok jam sebelah dah pukul 7.27. Alamak! Apersal ari ni hari keje?? Hati aku komplen tapi masih baring2 tanpa rasa panik. Sempat lagi aku golek2 sambil peluk bantal. "Bangun2!". Aku pusing dan capai handphone - mencari2 kot-kot ada sms reply dari dia. *sigh* Marah benar kat aku la tu. Tapi salah aku gak, nak buat konon-konon merajuk... haaa... padan muka. Orang tu bukan jenis rajin/pandai pujuk pun, tu disclaimer dia awal-awal dulu. Aku garu-garu kepala, nak periksa rambut ada lagi ke tak.

Aku call dia lebih dari 12 kali, tapi ada connection error. So, aku antar sms kosong mula-mula nak test line telefon dia okay ke tak. Ni sms aku kat dia pagi tadi kul 1.14am...

Firstly, sorry if i hurt u in any way. I do realised i'm very much older than the rest of the gang. Sorry, if im not acting the way i shld be. Sorry, if im too bzbody with yr current life, im juz being caring. Sorry if im 2 caring, dont mean to bug yr daily schedule. If i make fun of u in *tuut**tuut*, believe me bcoz i luv u a lot. If your nick appear in the *tuut**tuut*, it makes me happy at my end, coz i know u r okay... Lastly, forgive me for all my silly jokes/act.

Bagilah dia masa nak fikir dan sejukkan hati dia. Tapi dia penah cakap, kalau dia smash orang, benda tu abis kat situ jer, tak der carry2 forward pun. Memang, tampar orang memang best  tapi kita kena fikir pulak... kesan lebam kena tampar kat pihak lagi satu. Kalau pihak satu lagi pemaaf tak per, ni umat akhir zaman brader... mana main maaf2, tak rock la. Dan satu lagi, orang Melayu kan amat terer pendam-dendam ni. Kalau tak masakan Mahsuri sumpah sampai 7 keturunan, masakan tidak Sultan yang mangkat dijulang menyumpah seluruh keturunan Tun yang mati kat pokok pisang merah tu, masakan jiran sekampung masih kutuk cicit-cuit pada Tok Chu yang penah masuk penjara zaman Jepun.  Aku sangat sedar benda-benda ni. Cuma sekarang senang sikit la nak mintak maaf, tak berani antar aja la sms ker, mms ker, voicemail ker. Aku dah buat. Dan sekarang aku masih memegang nombor giliran aku.

Semalam jugak aku ber-YM ngan member rapat aku. Aku tanya dia "kita akan lebih terasa kalau orang yang kita ada apa2/sayang buat kat kita kan?". Dia jawab "betul". "Apsal kita tak terasa kalau adik beradik?". Dia jawab "sebab adik beradik dah paham sesangat pasal kita". Aku angguk2 depan notebook aku tanda setuju sambil taip "tul2".

Serabut... Serabut ..!!!

August 2008

Since Raya Idul Fitri is juz around the next two corners...
so, budget a bit tight to organise any birthday party for all my August friends, foes & family members. Some i can juz skip coz they have someone they love to celebrate with. Lalalala... i can easily pretend i ter-forgot their birthday. Maybe i try to organise my father's birthday celebration a day earlier since 25th falls on Monday; he is turning 81 this year. If my mum is still alive, she should be 76. How i wish my mum could see me today. The hopeless, visionless, superactive child in the family...

So... let's start the party

1st Aug - none...

2nd Aug - mamafatin in Rawang

5th Aug - farah in Kajang

6th Aug - started my  at 8th job at Bursa (previously known as KLSE/MSEB), my mum passed away on this day in year 1999

8th Aug - lina in Kepong, Olympic in Beijing officially starts today!

9th Aug - shidah in Kelana Jaya (kot?)

16th Aug - ayu_ms in Gombak

19th Aug - azhani (err... last known was dancing for Ezanin Ezain Ahmad) from LKNP Jerantut, kuAz in Yan

21st Aug - enie in Kg Subang, ayu rahim in Pinggiran Cempaka

22nd Aug - nadz at Jalan 41, Ampang

25th Aug - ayah & arwah mak in Benusville

Again, Happy birthday Leos...  & happy 7th anniversary for myself!

re-shuffled exercise

as of today 12 June 2008... during my breakfast at our canteen, i was told that Kelvin, my team leader for the OSK's assignment is about to be 'returned' to his old team under Pasu. This Monday 16 June we're going out to OSK which the profile is under Chee Wah (^%*@#! boss). This was the so-called reshuffling exercise since March 2008... the org chart was suppose to be finalised by 1 April 2008. The top people of my 's0-beloved' head of Division has yet to make up his mind on what is the Division's direction. First he pulled-out all the 'partitions' between the departments and juz mixed the people like we're a bunch of salads. After he mixed us, then is up the each team head to decide who will be doing what job.

The inspection will be doing audit, the compliance will still be doing compliance & the CAR team (risk monitoring) will be doing their own job. Cant see the difference right? Of course la.. we're still doing what we have been doing for the last 11 years (the depts were segregated in 1997) ... despite the HOD jumbled us up.. we were doing the same job scope. He claimed he wants everyone to be all-rounder kind-of-staff. Yeah right!!! My HOD is from Compliance dept, he has been there since day 1. He only knew Compliance and only accepts submissions from brokers via fax, dont e-mail the daily/weekly/monthly reports... "i dont trust electronic submissions coz i only know how to hold a blueberry, my secretary will type all my messages & retrieve my emails this this burberry ". Blueberry & Burberry is actually refering to the blackberry. He simply suka2 hati called the thingy as above.

I was being thrown out from the other team becoz one the team mates in the team cant work with me. (it's okay actually since i cant with her either) And as if i dont know who is the real culprit behind my transfer, she (who happened to be my best friend once upon a time) dared to call me and asked few questions about IT. I knew u r not the expert, i'm not too... but after u've backstabbed me... u have the guts to call me.

my sister said to me last nite... u better get another job la with this kind of stress, u better think twice about your health. i guess it's true - almost 2 years ago, the stress almost killed me... :'(( arrrgghhh!!!

I, once upon a time hated her

ever heard of these statements before...?

• "first impression matters, either u make it or fold it".
• "dont hate people so much coz u might end up loving them"

the statements happen to me... huhuhu.
i dont believe in the first impression actually, but somehow 1 fine day when everything were not according to plans; a slight mistake - a simple statement by a person juz made me crossed-out her name from my diary. Ever since that day, i juz avoided myself from joining any events if she was part of it. When our club organised the jamboree in Sendat, i knew she was on the way to pay us a visit, i purposely went to sleep early. Her clan organised a picnic in Kemensah, even though i dont have any plan that day & got migrain that day for juz sitting in front of a TV... i refrained myself from joining the event. Stupid act right?

A month after my sister's wedding, after i finished my audit... i was hanging around at a chatbox with my usual clubbing members, she entered the chatbox. She asked me about my father. She asked me about the wedding that took place in Bentong. She asked me if knew her uncle. I answered her questions.... and at the same time all my chat friends watched the on-going 'conversations'. Only then i asked her back how come she knew about me? She answered that she bumped into Shahrome, a clubbing member also. She asked him what is he doing there, shahrome answered "ni wedding adik ha ha". sharome is my sister's coursemate in their ITM days. How come i didnt see u at the kenduri, i think i've visited every table. Then all of sudden she, N the one person whom i hated was my niece... her grandfather is my father's brother. i was shocked, speechless, .... (happy ??). It took me some time for me to recover actually. That was in 2006. 

Our first meet-up after the conversation took place in D'Tasik for our usual clubbing TT session. I was very2 nervous actually... waiting for her to show up. Trying my best to kill my anxiety attack... i chatted with others at my table. She came and was very quiet at the other end of my table... i watched her & tried my best to hook up a conversation with N. But i cant. She was too quiet. Let the time decided what's best for us.         

While i was auditing a foreign firm in Jalan Sultan Ismail, KL... i cant remember the real reason but i sms-ed & called N but we decided to go out to watch Narnia movie on Wednesday. That was 2 weeks ago...28 May 2008. But since we only decided about 4+pm, the chances of getting tickets were almost zero. After i finished my work, i boarded the monorail and got off at Medan Tuanku station. Met N at her office ..."cant get the tickets" and waited for our friend, R near the Dang Wangi station.

We went to Pelita Ampang Point for our naan & tandoori dinner - thanks anis for the idea. We continue the conversation and not knowing what to do next. N said her house is only 5 minutes away from Pelita. Since we have no exact plan, we (it's me actually) decided to pay a visit. We reached Taman Nirwarna about 12 minutes later... we sat down & watched Zathura. After the movie finished while we were still in our office wear, we decided to have tahu bakar at one of our ex-clubbing member, Z in Kg Subang. We drove and chatted all the way. Unexpectedly, the gerai was closed. After N & R tried to call Z few times, lastly R managed to talk to Z. Z asked R & N to come back on Friday for a free treat. "C la how.., cant promise". We parked N's kembara at a hypermarket - cant remember the name and went to look around the mart. About 11pm, N drove back to send R & myself home. On the way back... (we're on our way home) we stopped by at A&W drive thru in PJ for a drink... then only we reached home about 1+am.

The next day, N & myself went out again for our dinner at Nasi Kukus + Ayam Dara in Taman Melati. We chatted and Anep joined us.... about 12+am, N sent me home. Last Saturday, i met N with other clubbing members @Kelana Jaya for dinner/TT. We chat until 3am and during the chat i realised i get to know N from a different viewpoint... and we parted due to rain. I overheard that Anep asked N for bowling @OU on Sunday.      

I reached home almost 4am... and N sms-ed me saying that Anep got to rush back to Seremban coz "break-in problem". "Okay, ask him to drive back slowly, safely..." ZZZzz... 'Next day' about 9.45am... i reached for my mobile to check if there were any messages after i replied N's sms. I sms-ed N if she is still interested to go to OU coz i wanna follow too.. dont have any exact plan. We meet-up @U-bowl, eat burger King, watch movie, walk2, buy CDs, checked N's kembara, tallk2... dinner @Secret Recipe, talk2 ... & i confessed to her why i hated her all these while. I waited for her reaction but she seems to be okay. (i think). But i do agree with her statement "at least this friendship is getting better not worse". After the OU's visit, we had a drink with Dice & Anep @Tmn Melawati... N should be working today after 2 days of MC. Thanks N.   

   

Lastly, sorry N for hated u once upon a time... but i'm glad to know u. *peace*

Pa per je la

Ogos 6 akan jadi sejarah (insyaAllah) sekiranya aku berjaya sampai. Tertulis dalam CV aku genap 7 tahun aku kerja sebagai Inspection Officer (external auditor tuk broker) kat Bursa Malaysia Berhad. (Bursa saham kalau orang2 marhein cakap). Sebenarnya aku tak tagged pun kat Bursa Securities / Derivatives / Bond / Depository / Clearing C&D, aku duk kat group level. Kerja aku audit Operations dan Trading broker saham dan komoditi. Kalau yang dah merge & jadi investment bank; Operations audit jatuh ke tangan auditor BNM/SC. Yang mana masih tertakluk dalam Rules Bursa, kitaorg cilok masuk kejap. Mintak maaf la kalau sesapa yang membaca blog ni cakap aku memusnahkan keindahan bahasa Melayu. Suka ati la beb, blog gua.

Kerja ni merupakan kerja ke-3 yang mana aku ter-kerja kat dalam satu organisasi yang besar. Dulu keje dalam Maybank group, pastu kerja 3 bulan kat Perwira Affin Bank (berenti sebab boring sangat) dan kat sini. Ketiga-tiga syarikat yang tersenarai kat papan utama Bursa Malaysia ni ada persamaan yang sungguh la ketaranya. Tak berapa nk ada Procedure Manual ("PM") yang detail. Ada tu ada la, tapi cam suruh g masak Kerutup Daging. Bagi bahan2 asas tapi cara masaknya - masuk jer semua benda, masak la nanti. Kalau korang nk tengok PM department aku, aku bleh forward kan thru email tp aku jamin korang mesti la terkulat2 amende aku buat selama hampir 7 tahun ni. Contoh suruh buat kerja ada la cam ni. Maybe sebab aku datang dari line IT yang memang kena clear-cut cara kerja nya kot?   

1.1.1          Receipt and Review of Readiness Applications

1.1.1.1                Upon receipt of readiness applications, the officer in-charge shall carry out the desk review on the applications.

1.1.1.2                The officer shall thereafter consult the Senior Manager and revert to the applicant with the review points. These can be communicated via e-mail to expedite the processing of such applications.

1.1.1.3                Upon receipt of the comments/corrective actions on the review points, discuss with the Senior Manager if the actions taken by the applicant is adequate to enable processing of the application and to proceed with the next step.

1.1.1.4                Upon, satisfactory completion of the review, the officer shall raise a review memo to the Senior Manager / Head Inspection.

1.1.1.5                Upon review by the Head, Inspection, a memo to the relevant internal authority seeking the approval on the application together with all recommendations and conditions proposed to be imposed on the application received will be forwarded to the authority. e.g Memo to Chief Regulatory Officer.

PM ni tahun 2007, 2008 ngikut kata SM aku kata dah lain, juz Head of Division ("HOD") pun boleh approve. PM tak update pun sehingga la ada orang ISO nak datang check. Hmm, memo tak der pun forward cakap cam tu. Sket lagi kalau salah, yang nyata aku yang kena balik. "Apsal tak baca PM?". Sampai satu tahap aku rasa dh malas nak cakap apa2. Boss baru aku sekarang ni lagi la bahaya. Bukan baru pun, dulu aku duk bawah dia 2 tahun. Dia ni punya perangai dia suka bagi instruction verbally, aku suruh tulis dia tak nak. Sebab kalau apa2 terjadi atau aku silap atas arahan dia, aku yang kena bukan dia sebab dia akan putar belitkan arahan dia yang asal depan HOD. Dan dia memang anti-Melayu. Member aku bekali2 kata "Sabar aja la". Tapi atas kesabaran aku & asyik dok pendam jer masalah, tu yang buatkan aku asyik sakit aja sekarang. *sigh*

MERCY by DufFy

http://www.esnips.com/doc/c4bab798-181e-4368-be21-9fd1afc7ef26/Mercy-(Duffy)

Yeah Yeah Yeah x4

I love you
but i gotta stay true
my morals got me on my knees
I'm begging please stop playing games

I don't know what this is
cos you got me good
just like you knew you would

I don't know what you do
but you do it well
I’m under your spell

Chorus
You got me begging you for mercy
why won't you release me
you got me begging you for mercy
why won't you release me
I said release me

Now you think that I
will be something on the side
but you got to understand
that i need a man
who can take my hand yes i do

I don't know what this is
but you got me good
just like you knew you would

I don't know what you do
but you do it well
I’m under your spell

You got me begging you for mercy
why wont you release me
you got me begging you for mercy
why wont you release me
I said you’d better release yeah yeah yeah

I'm begging you for mercy
yes why wont you release me
I'm begging you for mercy

you got me begging
you got me begging
you got me begging

Mercy, why wont you release me
I'm begging you for mercy
why wont you release me

you got me begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy
I'm begging you for mercy

Why wont you release me yeah yeah
break it down

(Fade)

the waiting game

as the days passed by slowly... i stood and watched the 5.30pm crowd...
"what are these people thinking?"
"why are they doing those stuffs?"

and slowly the wondering thoughts hits me back and before i knew it... i was questioning myself
"what if i've done that thingy before...."
"why didnt i juz proceed with my plan....?"
"what will happen to me in the next few years in my life if...?"
"what will happen to me today if i've took up the job offer in Brunei..."
"when will all my problems juz be away..."
"what if i juz follow my friends who went to work overseas.."
"what if i juz follow my heart and be-gone with all my friends advises?"

i drove my kembara aimlessly the other night, as the radio was playing a slow number and these questions started to buzz my brain again... then a personal problem related to someone close to me dropped by. *sigh*
maybe it's time for me to review myself again
maybe i've overlooked a few pit stops of my daily life
maybe the waiting game is still in place
and
i should juz believe that any games played will come to an end... someday, somewhere, somehow

brandy - hv u ever
"Have you ever found the one
You've dreamed of all your life
You'd do anything to look into their eyes
Have you finally found the one you've given your heart to
Only to find that one won't give their heart to you
Have you ever closed your eyes and
Dreamed that they were there
And all you can do is wait for that day when they will care"

How i wish that i was only a spectator in a stadium.... but again, a world is one big field and everyone is a player in their own league.

Knowledge vs Bullshit

As of today, our beloved division has yet to finalised any organisation charts - the much awaited structure after new our CRO took over the job. The last day of March, the 'beloved' Tong (*sampah*) announced the new teams which were divided into 4 main groups. Each of the group will be assigned with a Head (err.. more towards dick head["DH"]), a Senior Manager ("SM") [yup... they are very2 senior in numbers], managers and executives. Each of the group will be allocated with few stock brokers, futures brokers, few investment banks and at least 1 foreign broker portfolios. Much like bank negara's style and of course CIMB's structure... our CEO and COO are from CIMB Investment Bank - a big but such an unorganised company.

After the Tong(*sampah*) announced the team members, 2 of personnel in my division tendered their resignation. The very next day another one gave a brown envelope to my divison's DH. These are the people trusted by the DH and has been in the Exchange since day 1. Padan muka!!! Owh! do u know that during his presentation to the members of Regulation Group - he put up a slide "Action Plants".... all of us were laughing like hell much like other division heads. He was clueless and still confident in delivering the "action plants". Since when auditors need to plant trees???? I will try to record his speech... i felt kids at Smart Readers can pronounce better than him.  What to do... Ipoh mari maa....

Next is the real deal, since 3 were leaving tomorrow ... 2 will be working with Riyadh Bank while another one will be joining CIMB Investment Bank... all of the senior people in my department started to fight for the SMs' positon. All of the staff fighting for the jobs, only 2 of them only in my opinion qualified for the position. But again, being in an organisation like CIMB + goverment's environment... sweep off the knowledge... put a lady who is good at bullshitting, wear mini skirts, dont want offsite works (auditor??) and selective in accepting assignments. "Dont want this .. i have lots of work... ". Yeah right! Chatting and reading bible. She is the main person that the boss turned to when they want to ask something about IT.  My other Heads cant understand what i'm saying "You are too technical"...my reply to them in my heart "err... becoz u r a stupid boss with a blackberry which u cant even type a simple sms". She has a degree in economics. She once crashed my HP server when i was in the stockbroking era with her stupid recommendation... while i'm stuck with stupid IT boss.

Arrrggghh!!! Sucks... she is a type of boss who would threw a file at you if she doesnt like your work. True cheras mari leader!!!

Lost my Nokia N80

I lost my beloved phone N80.... last saturday 9 february 2008... exactly 1 year and 2 days after i bought the phone.

"huhuhu... Big deal... buy another one la.. haiya, it's not even end of the world"

What else to do right? Buying another phone is not a very big deal for me..but getting all the phone numbers back is the biggest problem. Friends which already moved out from KL and living somewhere in Malaysia or outside Malaysia - hardly used emails as their main communication medium. *sigh*

and to makes it very2 interesting is i knew who took my phone... to confront his parent (my own brother) and 'assumed' his only son is a thief, i know that my father wont be on my side.

again, it's not my rezeki anymore to hold the N80.... so, i bought another nokia N phone on Sunday :)